So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
