I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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