LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He has the fingertips of a God
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
