Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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