I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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