just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
