Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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