i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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