Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
