Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
