dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
