i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Drunk is a universal language darling
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
