Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she smelled like a LAN party
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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