I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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