I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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