You made me cry and you don't even care
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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