Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
