found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
