I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
