I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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