if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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