you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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