D3 body, D1 cock
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
