God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
