I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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