my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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