sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
