You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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