Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
