if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
