I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
