u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
