420 ftw
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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