i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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