Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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