i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
