hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
