It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
