So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
