There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
please come you make the beer taste better
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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