I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
whose ass print is on the piano?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
