She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
