Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
