whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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