I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
