theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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