we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
