Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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