we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
