Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
