i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
